May201118

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Considering that my next expedition is headed to the top of Asia in the middle of winter where temperatures get as low as –80C, I am constantly going back and forth with excitement and fear about the situation.  I recently received this annotated thermometer, which is at least a good way to keep a smile about temperatures that can cause you to lose fingers and toes.

°C °F
15 60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe)
10 50 Miami residents turn on the heat
5 40 You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Canadians go swimming
2 35 Italian cars don’t start
0 32 Water freezes
-1 30 You plan your vacation to Australia
Canadians put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
British cars don’t start
-4 25 Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Swedes go swimming
-7 20 You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
-10 15 French cars don’t start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
-12 10 Too cold to ski
You need jumper cables to get the car going
-15 5 You plan your vacation in Houston
American cars don’t start
-18 0 Swedes put on T-shirts
Too cold to skate
-23 -10 German cars don’t start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-26 -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist
-30 -20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Swedes shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don’t start
-32 -25 Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
-35 -30 You plan a two week hot bath
The Mighty Monongahela freezes
Swedish cars don’t start
-40 -40 Californians disappear
Swedes button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South
-45 -50 Congressional hot air freeze
Swedes close the bathroom window
-60 -80 Hell freezes over
Polar bears move south
-65 -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets